Dr. S. Faye Snyder

You have to interpret his behavior: You can say to her that he wasn't ready to be a father, but he loves you. He wants to check in, but he can't schedule things yet. Some day he may get good at scheduling his life, but he's hasn't caught up to that yet. We can practice scheduling ourselves, so you and I don't have that trait. You always want to do a little better than your parents, anyway. So, just because a dad can't commit to being a dad doesn't mean he doesn't love you. It just means he didn't have a very good childhood, and he is still trying to figure out his own life. You are loved however you look at it. You are priceless.

You are dreaming about teeth, because you are angry and aren't fully acknowledging how angry you are. Sometimes people dream about teeth not knowing that they are angry at all.

Dr. Faye

You didn't say your son's age. He is either angry at you for something related to the death, which you should be able to guess, or he has learned a family ethic not to cry. If that is true, he can't talk to you about the loss. It sounds like you want things to return to normal, not that you want to be able to console him about his loss. If he is angry at you, maybe it's the same reason: the family ethic of no crying or talking or sharing issues has isolated him and he doesn't understand why you don't cry or act as sad as he feels. Were you divorced? Does he think you don't share his loss? You gave so little information, it looks like there is little self-reflection, which is a sign of a family repression ethic. You have left things out. If you truly don't know, why don't you try to create the conversation? This sounds like a family repression ethic. You both should go to a counselor and talk this out.

Dr. Faye

I want you to know I don't think inside the box about these things. I have found that children with those symptoms have insecure attachments and are distracted by their own thoughts and feelings of inadequacy. Just curious: Did he go to daycare or other care when he was very young, as in the first three years of his life? If so, you may want to talk to him about it and tell him you think he feels that way, because he learned to worry that he is not enough. If you can say that to him, he might feel relief, that his feelings come from something real and are not inborn. You can tell him you are sorry and give him some extra love and attention, and he may work his way out of it. There are lots of kids in his boat. They call it ADHD and prescribe uppers. I find that what I suggested is a better alternative to medication which can become addictive over time. It's OK, if you disagree. I can't really meet you and hear you out, so I'm winging it.

Yes.

Dr. Faye

I am concerned too. I would talk to her doctor asap.

Anti-depressants don't have great research results, but they work for some people. In the old days, people would simply cry until they didn't need to anymore, unless crying was unacceptable. The trick is you must cry over the original injury, not recent events that trigger depression. Sometimes the original injury precedes memory, or that is, language. It is possible to retrieve pre-language memory, but it takes working with a specialist (not a hypnotist). Or, one can simply focus on the emotional pain, itself, and cry. The emotional pain will include a cognitive conclusion, which was drawn from the original trauma, such as "I'm unloveable," "The world is unsafe," "I can't trust anyone," etc. If she could focus on the pain to see what is in it cognitively to identify the lie she tells herself or believes, and then cry, she wouldn't have to have the actual memory. The problem is, you can't do this on anti-depressants, so she would have to begin withdrawal to try it out. Withdrawal would need to be under her psychiatrist's supervision. She might want to show this to a trauma therapist and ask if s/he could support this process.

Dreams are like God talking. Dreams are wise. They are trying to tell you what you don't seem to see or want to see. Write out your dream. See what it is telling you in metaphors and see if you can learn from it. You have apparently not said or done what you need to say in day-life and/or fixed the issue. If you are being chased, it could be an overloaded schedule where you run but can't catch up or it could be the awful feeling of being behind in bills. In other words, it could be figurative, not literal. Look for a figurative explanation and do what it takes to fix it.

Of course.
That is, if the person can't get better.

ADHD is distractibility. Anyone who is highly distracted will appear to have ADHD. One could even argue that children diagnosed with ADHD are highly distracted. This can be the result of distracting childhood environments, secrets, forbidden opinions and feelings, overwhelm with too much to do coming from too many directions, etc. It is not genetic, in my opinion, but if you like the pharmaceutical solution, this diagnosis is for you.

It's acting fine to cover up suffering.

Recovery from working with a psychiatrist is different than recovery working with a psychologist who specializes in depression. Psychiatrists, usually prescribe medication. Few don't. Few even spend time talking.
If you work with a good psychologist, you will work on your depression and its causes without medication (although some psychologists have begun getting certified to give medication too). I would pick only someone who specializes in depression.
If you were my patient, there would be a few things I would have to clear up. First, if you lost your true love, you should grieve. Maybe you should grieve for a year. If you want to cut it shorter, grieve more often. Cry and cry some more. Many of us have families who don't believe in crying as the way to heal. Many are in a hurry for the crying to end. Those messages can cause depression. If you are bottled up, taking the cap off will help you/her grieve.
If this is about not having said everything she needed to say, then she should think of ways to talk to him especially about all the things unsaid. Have another funeral, a private one, just her/you and him and cry some more. Then, go to a movie or a concert or volunteer for something.
If that doesn't help her get back into life, then she has "complicated bereavement", which usually is the result of unacknowledged disagreements OR early childhood abandonment issues. THEN, in my opinion, you go to therapy.

Notice him in daylight. What is he timid about. Address those things. Talk to him about how when you understand something it takes away the mystery and fear. Anything we understand we can handle. Tell him that the two of you will figure out what scares him, and that will help you figure out what scares him in the dark. There will be a correlation. Give him a nightlight in the meantime. (Sometimes, such fears are based upon hidden truths that the child can't tell, like his fear of going to daycare, or his fear of being with grandma or a stepdad.) Sometimes there's something legitimate behind the fear. He may be too young to be handed off, or maybe, if he was when he was a baby or toddler, he is afraid of being taken. Figure it out and talk about it. Help if you have help to offer.

Yes. First, he should have a physical. Then, if he's clear, he should do therapy. He is angry about something he hasn't expressed in adult life or something that happened in his early childhood that is coming up, because he is safe now. If it's not physical, then it's buried hurt that wants out, in which case, the prescription may be to talk back, yell and/or rage a an empty chair about what is hurting him or to who hurt him. If that doesn't work, see a psychologist.

My experience is that most of the time postpartum is with women who were under nurtured in infancy. They don't recall it, but it left them without an instinct to nurture a baby. They want to nurture a baby, but there's something inside them that doesn't feel it and is saying, "What about me?" Usually, there is also an uncaring husband, who just wanted more children even knowing it would be too much for her. But, she is lucky. You care. You want to help. I would just sit and listen. If she doesn't talk, ask questions. Make sure the baby is not being neglected, because the baby will become another adult with a mysterious feeling of worthlessness.

I have a controversial question to ask. Was she depressed before the diagnosis? Ask her. Sometimes Postpartum Depression is the best kept secret. Mothers put the baby in a room and close the door and watch tv until dad comes home and then hand him over to dad to take care of, "Here, I've been taking care of him all day. Please take over." Autism is usually reversible by age two, if you engage him, enjoy him, have fun with him, pet him, sooth him, make eye contact, etc. No abandonments. No daycare. Have fun, Hold him. Read stories to him. Cuddle him when he cries, because he MAY have a lot of heartbreak and rejection to release. Enjoy him. That may bring up the postpartum depression about how she was neglected as an infant, and she can excuse herself and cry and cry until she gets her heartbreak out. Then, go back and nurture the baby, and enjoy giving him what she never got and modeling for her parents what motherhood should look like. Help her out too. Take over and do the same. It's sweet revenge and so much fun, if you can get into the miracle.

Is it a valid hobby, or is she breaking the bank? She might be a great professional shopper or buyer. She might be ignoring her child(ren) which would be serious and require family therapy. If she is ignoring you, pay attention to her. Take her to dinner and a movie. Date her. Court her. If she is breaking the bank, it's a problem. She knows it. She is filling up a hole from her childhood. She may have seen a lot of privilege and beautiful things that others had or been parented by lots of shiny things to assuage guilt for not being available. She feels deprived inside and enjoys getting things. Ask her if there is an end. Sometimes a person is just catching up and getting everything that is needed. If there is no end, ask her if she would go to a shopaholic's version of AA. Therapy might be a good idea. Find a specialist in addictions. Create a reasonable allowance and take the cards away.

So, anxiety usually is caused by early childhood insecurity or separation anxiety. There is a feeling of insignificance, emptiness or something to fit your interpretation of neglect at an early age. Maybe you also buried a trauma that never got expressed. In any event, sometimes we nurture or need our parents after we are adults, because we were insufficiently nurtured. Then, when they die, we know we will never get that hole filled. You need to address your neglect as a child, perhaps in therapy, talking about it and crying it out. After that, you begin to nurture yourself and following you dreams.

Anti-depressants are not reliable. They work for some and backfire on others. They are actually a chemical lobotomy that make hit the right spot or not. If you stop taking them you can get to the heart of the matter. Usually people who are depressed were neglected at an early age and are forbidden to know it or say it. If you talk to your therapist about your early childhood, you will probably burn it up naturally.

Forgetfulness, in my humble opinion, is the result of being a child who was under orders: Don't do this. Do this. Now do this. You have more to do. Do this. It is a child who has to obey and wire her actions to someone else orders. Or, it could be a childhood where there was simply no training in where to keep things. When that happens a person is not organized in their mind. They don't learn to focus on their own systems and create their own order and planning. If they get over extended, it is worse. Much worse. So, Rx: Don't get over extended. Cut down on responsibilities. Organize your life and your system. Make time to sit. The intrusive thoughts can come in then, and they are the thoughts that often want a solution. Sit, pay attention to your thoughts and know that they need to be addressed. The more current you get (caught up), the less you will forget.