Ms. Emily Perraut

Therapists are not able to manage medications, as that is typically outside our scope of practice. I would recommend discussing your concerns with your daughter's doctor and/or a Psychiatrist.

It's hard to know for sure, without having more detail. But this is suspicious to me and I think it should be investigated further. Any abrupt change like this warrants a deeper dive.

Most importantly: TRUST YOUR GUT! It's telling you something is off. You said he's being inappropriate and you state that it's nothing sexual, but being flirty and touchy is kind of pre-sexual - does that make sense? I would definitely recommend talking to a therapist about this and why you don't think you would be believed by your family. You might consider trying to set some boundaries with him, but if this doesn't feel doable, you might consider avoiding any events/gatherings where he may be. If this isn't possible, do your best to never be alone with him. Your discomfort is giving you some really important information and I hope you're able to listen to it. Good luck and be safe.

Yes, the right therapist can help you. There are also parenting coaches. The course of treatment will depend on the therapists approach. I recommend interviewing a few therapists to see who you feel might be the best fit to support you and your son. Your question about the course of treatment would be best asked to each therapist as they may have different answers.

I hear how much you're struggling with the end of your marriage. I would definitely recommend seeing a therapist. It is often very helpful to have extra support and a non-judgemental, impartial listening ear during these major life transitions.

Absolutely. Depression is part of the freeze response (from fight, flight, freeze). It may also be tied to her health problems. Trauma and stored survival energy gets trapped in our physiology, disrupting the regulation of our Autonomic Nervous System (ANS), directly contributing to both mental and physical health issues. I recommend finding a therapist who is trained in Somatic Experiencing, Somatic Practice, and/or Brainspotting. Accessing the somatic body (not just thoughts) is key for bringing the system back to better regulation. For your own further research, check out these books: In an Unspoken Voice and Waking the Tiger: Peter Levine, 8 Keys to Brain-Body Balance and The Body Bears the Burden: Robert Scaer, Nurturing Resilience: Kathy Kain, and When the Body Says No: Gabor Mate, and The Body Keeps the Score: Bessel van der Kolk.

Great question. Each therapist will probably deal with it differently, so I will speak for myself. I see religion as another (important) part of someone's world and welcome all beliefs. It can be helpful to the therapy to explore your relationship with your religion. If you bring up your religion in therapy and the therapist responds negatively or you feel like it changes things, it might be time to consider a new therapist; though I recommend discussing this with the therapist first.

To start, stop trying to control her behavior. I know that may seem counter-intuitive, but it's important. She is likely trying to have some control over her world, and when kids are young, often the only way they can have control is to say no. One way to start working with this is to give kids choices. For example, if there's something she needs to do, you might give her the choice of doing it now or doing it in an hour. Do what you can to offer more choices as a starting point, to help her feel like she has some more control. Talk to her about the consequences of her behavior. Instead of telling her not to do something, let her know what will happen if she does and ask, "how might you feel about that?" Try to imagine being her and what her world might look and feel like - use this as a way to connect. I would recommend working with a therapist who specializes in working with children and families and who may be able to help you understand any potential problematic behaviors and develop positive parenting practices to improve your relationship with your daughter so it doesn't always feel like you're at odds. A couple books I'd recommend include, No Drama Discipline, Parenting From the Inside Out, and The Whole Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel, in addition to Trauma-Proofing Your Kids: A Parent's Guide for Instilling Confidence, Joy, and Resilience by Peter Levine. Good luck!

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) refers to the symptoms of having excessive, and uncontrollable worry and anxiety about a number of events or activities (e.g. work, family, health, finances, relationships, social events/activities, etc). Additional symptoms may include difficulty falling or staying asleep (or unsatisfying sleep), restlessness, feeling keyed up or on edge, frequent irritability, fatigue, difficulty concentrating or mind going blank, and muscle tension. Anxiety represents dysregulation of the autonomic nervous system, which is most often caused by some form of trauma (in utero, birth trauma, chemical trauma, developmental trauma ranging from parental misattunement to abuse and neglect, shock trauma, medical trauma, near death experiences) and even just accumulated stress. Anxiety occurs when we are in a state of sympathetic hyperarousal. To learn more, I recommend the following books: In An Unspoken Voice and Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine, and When the Body Says No by Gabor Mate. You can also watch this and explore more of Irene Lyon's videos and website (Irenelyon.com) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwEowek9mn4&t=18s

The most important thing for you to understand is that he will never get over it. In time, he will likely learn to live with the loss. I hear your concern for him, as you are obviously a caring friend. You may want to consider your own expectations about what you think his grief should look like. It is a hard thing to understand if you haven't been through it, and it can be even harder to know how to begin to help; there is so much pain. In our culture, we often aren't taught how to honor and hold space for our own and others' pain. Yet, doing this is so powerful and healing. You can absolutely suggest therapy to him, but not because he's "not over it," rather, because you care about him and think having someone to talk to might be helpful. Please check out these other resources to help you be even more of a resource for him: https://www.refugeingrief.com/2018/07/19/help-a-friend-video/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/because-im-the-mom/201305/what-grieving-friends-wish-youd-say

Keep being a good friend.

It's definitely possible therapy may help you stay together. Therapy can help you identify and get to the root of the issues that you say are affecting your marriage. If you are both willing to do the work to heal and improve the relationship and yourselves, your odds are probably good. However, there are no guaranteed outcomes in therapy. I would recommend approaching therapy with a curious and open-mind and see what happens.

It may be best to work with someone who specializes in working with children to help your son understand this. I don't know that I would recommend bringing him to your divorce counseling sessions, unless the therapist has specific experience helping kids through just this kind of situation. Another option is for you to get some coaching around talking to your son about this. It would be good to give him a chance to express his feelings, any concerns, and ask any questions he may have (this will likely be an ongoing process as things transition). You don't necessarily need a therapist for this, but if you feel like you need extra support with him or for him, it's not a bad idea. He is not too young for therapy, however, therapy with kids is different than with adults. Play is kids' language, and play-therapists are trained to work with kids and interpret their play. I would recommend seeking out a play-therapist specifically if you're going to see one. I hope this helps! Wishing you and your family well amidst this transition.

Absolutely! I think this can be a wonderful way to create a stable, healthy relationship. If marriage is your goal eventually, it can help set you up for success. Frankly, I wish more people would do this work before getting married. Even if marriage isn't your goal, wanting to create a health, happy, strong connection is reason enough to go.

The lack of motivation you're experiencing is part of the freeze response, from flight, fight, freeze. It could definitely be helpful to talk with a counselor at your school about your stress (this represents doing something, rather than nothing, which is good). I hear that you feel weird about going. I'm not exactly sure about why this is the case, but it can be helpful to remember that we all struggle at times with feeling overwhelmed and being stressed, and having someone to talk to in a safe, non-judgmental space can be so wonderful! If you want to talk to someone, but not go to the campus center, you might consider contacting your insurance provider for additional referrals. I hope this is helpful. Good luck!

Anger is often just the tip of the iceberg. In our culture, we often only allow men to feel angry, as opposed to allowing them to feel and experience the whole range of human emotions. I definitely think it could be helpful to find a therapist who can help you explore and understand your irritability; I think it needs to be understood, versus just managed. It's giving you important information and it's helpful to know how to decipher this. Perhaps it's actually anxiety, or sadness, or you're feeling helpless or not heard or understood, or taken advantage of. There are so many possibilities. A good therapist will help you figure this out.

Seeing a therapist can be one wonderful way to manage stress. It can be helpful just to talk to someone and feel heard, seen, understood, and validated. Additionally, a therapist can teach you useful stress management strategies. They may also help you gain additional awareness into any deeper issues that may be contributing to and underlying your stress response.

A few strategies I like to recommend to my clients include practicing mindfulness throughout the day, meditation, exercise (especially yoga), grounding exercises, breathing exercises, self-compassion, self-care, and connecting and getting support from other understanding and supportive people. With many of these strategies, the more you practice them, the more
effective they become.

Good luck!

Emily Perraut