What is a demisexual?
A demisexual does not experience any sexual attraction with someone unless he or she has formed a strong emotional connection with that person. Demisexuality is more often seen in serious romantic relationships. Being a demisexual does not mean that you have an incomplete sexuality or are half-sexual. Demisexuals do not get sexually attracted to anyone of any gender, but when a strong emotional connection is made, they may experience sexual attraction.
Typically, when a person meets someone, a certain degree of physical attraction is usually formed within seconds. However, when it comes to demisexuality, this form of attraction does not exist. Demisexuals put more value on friendship, love, and romantic feelings over initial sexual desire or attraction. Moreover, being demisexual does not have specific criteria for genders or sexual orientations when it comes to being attracted to other people. A person can be a polygamous demisexual, a heterosexual demisexual, and so on.
A demisexual is halfway between sexual and asexual. Demisexuality comes under the asexuality spectrum according to the Demisexuality Resource Center. Asexuals show no or little interest in sex while demisexuals experience sexual attraction not on a regular basis, but only under specific situations or circumstances.
Sometimes, demisexuals are also known as gray sexuals or semisexuals. Demisexuals may also feel confused or having a difficult time when it comes to forming romantic or sexual relationships. The reason is that they primarily experience the “friend zone”, but then later develop a feeling of sexual attraction. Other demisexuals have commented that being demisexual can be tricky since it can be difficult to figure out their differences along with dealing such issues when they occur.
During puberty, many teenagers start to feel sexually attracted to other people. However, for demisexuals, they often feel left out when they see their friends fantasizing and having crushes since they do not feel such sexual attraction. They sometimes feel broken and may long to feel the same what other people feel. Some people who are simply choosy with whom they want to sleep with are actually demisexuals.
Facts About Demisexuality
Let's learn more about what demisexuality really means and what it doesn't.
1. Most romantic relationships start with friendship.
Before dating someone, demisexuals are more focused on knowing their potential partner. What matters to them is forming an emotional bond with the person. Some of the things that demisexuals are attracted to are:
- The essence of trust
- A feeling of safety or security
- A sense of being able to predict what the other person will do or react
You may see demisexuals in a completely different manner. When in a relationship with a demisexual, there is no honeymoon phase. Demisexuals are often sexually attracted after knowing more details about someone. Knowing other people well and establishing an emotional or mental connection are the main factors that make them tick.
2. The thought of having sex does not turn you on at all times.
When you do not feel an instant sexual attraction to other people, you may feel that you are asexual. You like sex but only under certain circumstances, such as committed relationships. Demisexuals usually feel repulsed about engaging in random sex.
3. Prefers sleeping together than to have sex.
The idea of "sleeping together" without sexual intercourse is much better and more alluring. Demisexuals love to establish love and intimacy more than the physical act of sex. Simple physical acts of touch such as cuddling or slow intimacy make their relationship more appealing.
4. Not into one-night stands.
Demisexuals do not find any point of having sex with strangers since their sexual attraction is not based on sex alone. It would be impossible for them to have sexual intercourse with another person without knowing or establishing an emotional or mental connection with that person.
5. Sometimes fails to understand friends.
Demisexuals may have a difficult time understanding their friends when it comes to the issue of relationships and sex because they have a different approach to relationships. It is one of the reasons why demisexuals may spend lesser time with their friends.
6. Being in love and not in lust.
Sometimes, love and lust are confused, but demisexuals clearly understand the difference. Demisexuals usually learn to love other people first before being physically and sexually attracted to them.
7. Life without sex is acceptable.
A demisexual can date other people for months or even years without having sex. For them, sex is not on top of their list of priorities, and can happily live without it. For most demisexuals, it is important to find a partner who has the same inclination toward sex. They also tend to have a "take it or leave it" approach.
8. Liking someone is a big deal.
It is a big deal when demisexuals romantically like someone since it would not be a small matter when other people gain their romantic interest. After establishing their needed degree of connection, they do not take their personal feelings and emotions for granted.
9. Not afraid of commitment.
Commitment is one of the most important elements of any relationship to become stronger and more successful. Demisexuals are not usually afraid of commitment and consider it as a privilege to finally find a person who they will commit themselves to.
10. Sexual attraction to strangers is felt but it is fleeting.
Demisexuals also feel other kinds of attraction as well. There are two types of sexual attraction: primary and secondary. In primary sexual attraction, a person's physical looks or the way they carry themselves is what most people notice first. In secondary sexual attraction, other people's personality and the way people connect with them are involved. When it comes to relationships, demisexuals are mostly inclined to secondary attraction. However, it does not necessarily mean that demisexuals do not notice other people's attractiveness. They do acknowledge the pleasing qualities of other people, but it is only passing or short-lived.
11. Demisexuals may be dubbed as "prude".
Calling demisexuals as "prude" is just one of the problematic labels that people use to describe other people who do not have much sex on an average. However, there is really no "average" when talking about sex. There are people who refrain from sex due to their own set of beliefs or moral reasons. Some may just have a lack of interest when it comes to sex, like in the case of demisexuals. These labels are not just inappropriate, but they are also inaccurate.
Even though other people project their own feelings and insecurities about your choices, you are the only one who can do what is right for you. The romantic world is indeed a difficult area to navigate, so the best thing to do is to let your instincts guide you.
- Knowing other people well and establishing an emotional or mental connection are the main factors that make them tick.
- Demisexuals do not find any point of having sex with strangers since their sexual attraction is not based on sex alone.
- Demisexuals are not usually afraid of commitment and consider it as a privilege to finally find a person who they will commit themselves to.