“What is wrong with my brain?”
For the past year and a half, I have not been able to figure out what is wrong with me. It all started at the end of August 2019. I had been on vacation camping for a week and everything was normal, but when I returned home I started to feel very strange. It was almost like everything seemed very far away and fuzzy. I went to sleep and didn't think much of it, but when I woke the next morning I felt the same. As the day went on I started to feel worse; my head was very foggy, I was dizzy, and I felt like I was going to faint. I still thought it would pass but when I went to work the following day I could barely function.
I am a retail manager and my symptoms made it almost impossible to do my job as I was having major memory issues, anxiety, and the previous symptoms still persisted. The following day I couldn't even go to work because I had a panic attack that lasted hours (my first ever). This continued to happen multiple times over the next few days. My partner took me to the hospital and they discharged me without saying much of anything. Over the course of the next week, the attacks got even worse and lasted nearly all day. I again went to the hospital (a different one) and they gave me a script for lorazepam 1mg. This helped immensely, but when it wore off my symptoms returned and increased. The following week I was basically bedridden with anxiety, panic, paranoia, and a fear of interacting with people outside. It got so bad that I had to go on short-term disability. I spent that time with family and it seemed to subside slightly. I stopped having full-blown panic attacks. However, I still had increasingly intense brain fog, anxiety, exhaustion, and depression. It was to the point that I would consider it completely debilitating, as I could not function for even basic daily tasks.
As a result of this, I started looking for a family doctor and psychiatrist, received a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder and began trials of multiple medications in the course of the past year and a half. Each one affected me differently, but none helped me be able to function normally. The medications were as follows:
Cymbalta
Escitalopram
Remeron
Wellbutrin SR
Zoloft
Lorazepam
Clonazepam
Trintellix
Venlafaxine
Aripiprazole
Zopiclone
Quetiapine
Wellbutrin XR
Each of these medications was tried for at least a month and discontinued at the advice of both my GP and psychiatrist. None of the above helped me in any way and in fact, gave me many, many negative side effects.
During this entire journey I have also been to a sleep clinic (I received a CPAP machine), had multiple full blood workups, a CT scan, an MRI, a test for Lyme disease, seen a psychologist, taken part in a 6 week CBT group; nothing gave me any results. It has now been close to 2 years and I still cannot function, let alone return to work. No one can seem to tell me what is wrong with me and I am living in a literal hell each and every day. Currently, my symptoms are as follows:
Constant fatigue
Insomnia
Intense, unyielding brain fog
Tinnitus
Depersonalization
Dizziness
Depression
Intrusive thoughts
Anxiety and social anxiety
Agoraphobia
Bouts of anger
Extreme irritability
A feeling that I am losing sense of reality
Headaches
A similar feeling to having a fever, but without having one
A feeling that everything is far away
Inability to concentrate
Memory problems
Cognitive impairment
Every single one of these issues is present 100% of the time and does not decrease in intensity. The worst of which is the brain fog and cognitive impairment. I really do not know what to do anymore and have completely lost hope to the point where I cry daily and feel completely lost. I do thankfully have a very supportive partner, but this whole thing has obviously put a massive strain on our relationship. I would have likely killed myself if they were not part of my life supporting me during this. Adding to everything I also have to worry about major financial issues as I have been off work so long on long-term disability.
I am at a complete loss right now and have no idea what I can do to finally put an end to this ongoing nightmare hellscape I live in 24/7.
I am a retail manager and my symptoms made it almost impossible to do my job as I was having major memory issues, anxiety, and the previous symptoms still persisted. The following day I couldn't even go to work because I had a panic attack that lasted hours (my first ever). This continued to happen multiple times over the next few days. My partner took me to the hospital and they discharged me without saying much of anything. Over the course of the next week, the attacks got even worse and lasted nearly all day. I again went to the hospital (a different one) and they gave me a script for lorazepam 1mg. This helped immensely, but when it wore off my symptoms returned and increased. The following week I was basically bedridden with anxiety, panic, paranoia, and a fear of interacting with people outside. It got so bad that I had to go on short-term disability. I spent that time with family and it seemed to subside slightly. I stopped having full-blown panic attacks. However, I still had increasingly intense brain fog, anxiety, exhaustion, and depression. It was to the point that I would consider it completely debilitating, as I could not function for even basic daily tasks.
As a result of this, I started looking for a family doctor and psychiatrist, received a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder and began trials of multiple medications in the course of the past year and a half. Each one affected me differently, but none helped me be able to function normally. The medications were as follows:
Cymbalta
Escitalopram
Remeron
Wellbutrin SR
Zoloft
Lorazepam
Clonazepam
Trintellix
Venlafaxine
Aripiprazole
Zopiclone
Quetiapine
Wellbutrin XR
Each of these medications was tried for at least a month and discontinued at the advice of both my GP and psychiatrist. None of the above helped me in any way and in fact, gave me many, many negative side effects.
During this entire journey I have also been to a sleep clinic (I received a CPAP machine), had multiple full blood workups, a CT scan, an MRI, a test for Lyme disease, seen a psychologist, taken part in a 6 week CBT group; nothing gave me any results. It has now been close to 2 years and I still cannot function, let alone return to work. No one can seem to tell me what is wrong with me and I am living in a literal hell each and every day. Currently, my symptoms are as follows:
Constant fatigue
Insomnia
Intense, unyielding brain fog
Tinnitus
Depersonalization
Dizziness
Depression
Intrusive thoughts
Anxiety and social anxiety
Agoraphobia
Bouts of anger
Extreme irritability
A feeling that I am losing sense of reality
Headaches
A similar feeling to having a fever, but without having one
A feeling that everything is far away
Inability to concentrate
Memory problems
Cognitive impairment
Every single one of these issues is present 100% of the time and does not decrease in intensity. The worst of which is the brain fog and cognitive impairment. I really do not know what to do anymore and have completely lost hope to the point where I cry daily and feel completely lost. I do thankfully have a very supportive partner, but this whole thing has obviously put a massive strain on our relationship. I would have likely killed myself if they were not part of my life supporting me during this. Adding to everything I also have to worry about major financial issues as I have been off work so long on long-term disability.
I am at a complete loss right now and have no idea what I can do to finally put an end to this ongoing nightmare hellscape I live in 24/7.
Male | 30 years old
Complaint duration: 1.5 Years
3 Answers
I’d consider contacting the Mayo Clinic or one of the Amen Clinics (there are 9 in the US) for a thorough evaluation and treatment plan.
Consider looking closely at this link as an exploration into your issues:
https://www.amenclinics.com/approach/why-spect/#:~:text=Brain%20SPECT%20(single%20photon%20emission,and%20activity%20in%20the%20brain.
https://www.amenclinics.com/approach/why-spect/#:~:text=Brain%20SPECT%20(single%20photon%20emission,and%20activity%20in%20the%20brain.
Dorothy Lewis
New Haven, CT
I’m so sorry you have this condition. I don’t know what it is, but if I were you, I would seek the help of a neurologist. I don’t know where you are, but I would seek a neurologist at a teaching hospital. You don’t mention being depressed. Why were you sent to a psychiatrist?
Good luck,
Dorothy Otnow Lewis, MD
Good luck,
Dorothy Otnow Lewis, MD
