“My son won't speak to me after his father died. What should I do?”

If your child stops speaking for any reason, first bring them to a doctor to rule out a medical cause and then bring them to a therapist. Depending on the developmental stage and personality of the child different methods will make the child feel supported, while other methods may be more traumatic. Your child may be struggling in school, being bullied, coping with depression, a significant loss, or even being abused by someone in the community. If therapy is not an option, try talking to the school counselor to check in on your child; these professionals can often offer the best solutions after meeting your individual child and knowing the resources in your community.

Hello and thank you for your question. The death of a loved one is very difficult and especially the death of a parent for you child. You're son's response to his father's death is not uncommon, however it may be time to seek professional intervention. However, before doing so talk to him. Share with him that the loss of his father is difficult for all of you and whatever he is feeling is ok. Don't expect a long conversation, and don't expect for him to make you feel ok by responding. Just let him know you are there for him and that whenever he is ready to talk you are willing to listen. Also, acknowledge that he may want to talk with someone outside of you. That is not a negative thing. It will allow him to be vulnerable with someone who has no emotional investment except for wellness of his Mental Health. Ask him would he like to have the chance to speak with someone. However, don't push the issue. In time he will upon up slowly. I would also consider seeking an outlet for yourself. Dealing with the loss of his father and the emotional distance with your son right now has to be difficult. I wish you the best. Warmest Regards.

You didn't say your son's age. He is either angry at you for something related to the death, which you should be able to guess, or he has learned a family ethic not to cry. If that is true, he can't talk to you about the loss. It sounds like you want things to return to normal, not that you want to be able to console him about his loss. If he is angry at you, maybe it's the same reason: the family ethic of no crying or talking or sharing issues has isolated him and he doesn't understand why you don't cry or act as sad as he feels. Were you divorced? Does he think you don't share his loss? You gave so little information, it looks like there is little self-reflection, which is a sign of a family repression ethic. You have left things out. If you truly don't know, why don't you try to create the conversation? This sounds like a family repression ethic. You both should go to a counselor and talk this out.

Dr. Faye

Yes, counseling would help to create a therapeutic alliance and opening up, a safe place to identify feelings and learn coping skills and healing.

I am concerned your son has gone a month without speaking to you after his father died. Without knowing your son's age or more information about your family’s situation or circumstances surrounding the father’s death, it’s difficult to answer. I’m surprised that your son has spent any time not talking to you due to his father’s death. In general, I would recommend that you and your son go to see a family therapist. The therapist may want to spend some time alone talking with your son before family therapy begins.

Hello,

Grieving is a process and takes time. For more information you can google the stages of grieving. Focus on reminding him that you love him and allow him time to be sad. Grieving can take months and he may not be ready yet to move on and that’s okay right now. I would recommend talking with him about seeing an outpatient therapist.

I hope this is helpful,

Ashly Witkowiak, LCSW

Hi,

Counseling sounds like a good idea; a place where he can feel free to talk and share his thoughts and feelings about his father's death. Look for a therapist that is skilled in treating children who are grieving or who have experienced trauma.

Wishing you a blessed day,

Tina L. Tomlinson, LCSW

Yes you and he should both go to counseling ASAP. Look for someone who works with families.

Try to get someone else to talk to him. Friends, therapist, family members.

Consider this source on grieving the loss of a father:

https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/on-grieving-the-death-of-a-father_harold-ivan-smith/309173?mkwid=heYWuUrg|dc&pcrid=77240706869719&pkw=thriftbooks&pmt=bb&plc={placement}&pgrid=1235851098199146&ptaid=dat-77240712317549:loc-190&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Search%20%7C%20Dynamic%20Search%20Ad%20Test&utm_term=thriftbooks&utm_content=heYWuUrg|dc&pcrid=77240706869719&pkw=thriftbooks&pmt=bb&plc={placement}&pgrid=1235851098199146&ptaid=dat-77240712317549:loc-190&msclkid=2906e4eb7468128a9534b8f77928a455#isbn=080662714X&idiq=2272246

And yes, have your son see a psychologist who can help him through the grieving process and provide you the support you need.