What Do You Do When a Patient Cries?

Doctors like to help people and want them to be okay. Seeing someone cry means that they’re not okay and can make us feel helpless and incapable of making a difference. It’s not just doctors, but people in general don’t like seeing others cry. It makes us uncomfortable and leaves us with the feeling that we should do something to make the situation better, but at the same time there’s usually nothing we can do so we end up feeling inadequate. People probably cry the most in front of doctors. After all doctors are the ones people trust the most and there’s also confidentiality between the patient and his or her doctor. A doctor’s office is also where a lot of bad news is delivered.

So how does a physician react to a patient crying in their office? There are definitely things that should be done such as giving them space and time in addition to acknowledging their emotions. There are also certain things that should never ever be done or said to a crying patient such as suggesting they see a psychiatrist or telling them that they should probably leave. As a doctor it’s also important to find ways to limit crying incidents in your office if it’s possible as well as ways to take care of yourself so as to not be affected by the grief of patients.

A doctor’s office and a hospital are probably the two places where the most tears are shed whether they’re happy tears or sad ones. It’s where a couple find out they’re having a baby or that the operation or procedure was successful. At the same time it’s also the place where you find out you have to terminate your pregnancy, that your loved one didn’t make it, or that you’re terribly sick. Plenty of emotions are going on in a hospital and we have extreme joy and extreme misery all occurring at the same time in the same place. Doctors are usually the ones who all these emotions are revealed to. You’re the one who delivers the news and you’ll be the one receiving the reaction to it. So it’s important for any doctor, or even healthcare worker, to be equipped and trained to not just delivering news, but also to handling the reaction to that news. It shouldn’t just be up to psychiatrists to handle that kind of thing because these emotions are normal and understandable. Grief is a part of life and you don’t need to see a specialist just because you’re overwhelmed.

When someone cries there’s always a desire to stop the crying somehow. This can usually be achieved by fixing the cause of upset, but that’s not always possible. If your patient has cancer then there’s not much you can do to fix it, at least not in this instant. You can’t fix the cause so the only thing you can do is to deal with the crying. You can call it a symptomatic approach in a way. So what should you do when your patient hears the bad news and starts crying? At first you have to appreciate silence. Understand that your patient is currently overwhelmed with emotions and thoughts and the only thing they’re capable of right now is crying. You don’t need to jump at trying to comfort them right away. Silence can be very valuable at the beginning as they still haven’t even comprehended the entire situation and need some time to process all the information you’ve given them. Even if they start crying while you’re still talking, stop talking and give them some time. The next thing you should do is to acknowledge their emotions. Know that they have every right to cry and feel devastated right now. You just told them they had cancer for instance, who wouldn’t be overwhelmed on hearing that kind of news? Let them know that their feelings are okay and completely understandable. Say something like “I understand how hard this must be, and we’ll do everything to get through it.” By doing this you’re letting them know that their tears are justified and that they’re not alone because you’re there to help them through this. Which brings us to our next point: take care of them. Let them know that you’re not abandoning them and that you will do everything you can do make this easier for them. If they’re admitted in the hospital make sure to visit them and do simple things like bringing them their favorite kind of jello. Stop by and joke with them every now and then. These are all simple things that won’t take up any of your time, but will mean the world to them as they get past this difficult period in their lives.

So these are the major things that you should do, as a physician, for a crying patient. To sum up they are: accepting silence for a short while, acknowledging the patient’s emotions, and being there for them as much as possible.

There are obviously things that you shouldn’t do either. At the top of this list is that you should never tell them to stop crying or get angry. They just received devastating news that they need time in order to be able to handle. Instead of being supportive you start to get angry or tell them to stop crying. You’re basically telling them to stop doing the one thing they can manage to do right now in order to cope. You’re also their doctor which means you’re the person they trust the most right now. You getting angry will make them feel even worse because it will feel like they’re losing the support of someone they really trust and need. Telling them to go see a psychiatrist is also a big no. Grief and tears are normal emotions for anyone going through a rough period in their life. Don’t forget that you’re human too and you can get emotional up to the point of crying if you receive bad news in your life. By telling them to visit a psychiatrist you’re basically saying that their emotions are not acceptable when that’s simply not true. Also, never tell them that their time is up or that you have to see the next patient. This makes you seem incredibly greedy and money oriented. Remember that you’re in this to help people not to see as many patients as you can in a given day.

You may also want to work on how you deliver bad news. Don’t be too blunt and at the same time don’t undermine the severity of the situation. Deliver the news with all the facts without taking anything away from it or adding to it. Be very clear and at the same time compassionate. Tell the patient frankly how bad it is while letting them know that you’re there for them no matter what. Your ability to deliver bad news may improve the way the patient receives it, and we already discussed what you should and shouldn’t do in case they start crying.

As a doctor it’s important to not be affected too much by a patient’s grief. Being influenced by the emotions of your patients can lead you down a dark path. Each patient only has to deal with their own grief, but if you have 20 terminal patients it would be impossible to deal with the grief of 20 people all on your own. Learn to be empathetic without being sympathetic. Understand their emotions and help them, but don’t feel their emotions for them.

Tears are something every doctor will meet at some point in their life. They’re something every doctor hates and tries to avoid, but they’re an unavoidable truth. Learn to deal with them and help your patient so that maybe one day when they get past this the two of you will share a laugh.