What Not to Say When Someone Is Diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer

If a friend or family member has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer, it’s difficult to figure out how to react. Is it better to talk about cancer or is it better to avoid the subject completely?

While cancer frightens people, and understandably so, it is not a time to feel awkward and stay away. Cancer patients need unconditional love, kind words, and reliable support.

“Simply acknowledge that you are sorry that this is happening to her. Let her know that you will be there during the ups and downs,” says Yuko Abbott, a licensed clinical social worker at the UC San Diego Moores Cancer Center. Being on the other side, you may mean well; however, there are things that you shouldn’t say to someone diagnosed with cancer.

Do not make promises you can’t keep

If you genuinely want to help your ill friend or family member, you should not make promises that you can’t keep. Instead of saying “let me know if you need anything”, do something to help. Several women do not want to be a burden to their loved ones and so they may choose not to express their needs directly. Yet, reliability and support means a lot to cancer patients.

Do not be vague when it comes to offering help

There are several approaches that you can take to help your friend or family member who is going through an unpleasant experience with cancer. For instance, give her a ride to the treatment center, help out with chores around the house or offer to do the grocery shopping. Small gestures can make a great difference. Colleen Meyerhoffer, an ovarian cancer patient, expresses how her friend helped her after undergoing surgery. “I could not bend, so she helped me dress. She brought my medications, meals and snacks. If we went out, she did the driving. I was very grateful to have her there,” said Meyerhoffer.

Do not dismiss their fears and concerns

While you may not be able to eliminate your friend or family member’s cancer altogether, you can talk openly with her about her fears and concerns. “Just be there. It may be a relief for her to know someone will be there for her no matter how she feels – that she doesn’t have to be brave and pretend all is well,” said Abbott. Effective communication is based on listening and it leads to understanding.

Do not run away

After being diagnosed with ovarian cancer, your friend or family member will need your support. However, as time passes, you may choose to distance yourself. “That’s because they may lose sight of their loved one’s cancer journey – the treatments, scans, appointments, and good and bad news. It’s difficult for an ovarian cancer patient to not take it personally, especially when she feels that this is when she needs them the most,” said Abbott. Do not run away – continue to remain by her side through the good and the bad. If your friend or family member lives farther away, send her a present letting her know that you are thinking of her. “A warm robe or cardigan and socks or slippers come in very handy,” said Blynn, creator of the ‘Bald is Beautiful’ website. She will greatly appreciate it. Perhaps consider a care package, filled with comfort items for patients experiencing the side effects associated with cancer treatment.