Recovery From Alcoholism: A Personal Story

I’m Cassidy and I’m an addict. 

I spent several years in early sobriety wondering how and why I had previously fallen into the grips of alcohol addiction. After all, I had a normal childhood. Nobody in my family suffered from addiction or alcoholism, I was intelligent and sociable, and everything looked fine from the outside. Still, there was something inside of me that didn’t quite feel right. It was this idea that I didn’t fit in with the people around me - like I was constantly being judged and that I could never live up to the expectations my family had for me. 

As it turns out, I had untreated depression. My depression always told me to keep quiet, that I was just being overdramatic. As a result, I turned my emotions inward and became a master at avoiding emotions and stuffing them deep inside. When I got older, I began experimenting with drugs and alcohol. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, using substances allowed me to cope with the feelings that I didn’t know how to cope with. 

Like most alcoholics, my drinking progressed from something enjoyable into something necessary for survival. 

In the beginning, alcohol took away all of my emotions. It shut out the incessant, anxious, negative thoughts in my mind and allowed me to feel peace. 

As time progressed it stopped working and I chased that feeling. I was unable to find it again and my life was falling to pieces. I was kicked out of college, I couldn’t hold a job, and I destroyed the relationships in my life. Alcohol was no longer working to mask my depression, either. In an attempt to take my own life, I promised myself that if I survived I would get help.

Fortunately for me, I was able to get the help I needed to recover. I completed a 90-day inpatient treatment program and devoted my life to helping others get sober through a 12-step fellowship. I was so desperate and miserable when I first got sober, but I knew that going back to my old ways would only make things worse. My desperation gave me the willingness I needed to listen to every suggestion and begin to recreate my life. 

Learning How to Live Sober

One of the most important things I did was surround myself with strong women who had more time sober than I did. I relied on them for guidance and companionship. After all, I really didn’t know how to stay sober. I listened to their advice, I learned from their past mistakes, and I made sure to stay in contact with these women on a daily basis. They showed me how to have fun in recovery, how to mend the relationships with my family, and how to have true friendships. Most importantly, they showed me how important it is to stay sober and share my story with others because I never know when my experiences in recovery will shed a little glimmer of hope on somebody who is struggling. There were countless times that the experiences of the women in my support group gave me the hope I needed to keep going. 

Aside from my recovery, I also take care of my mental health on a daily basis. When I went to treatment, I was formally diagnosed with depression and found the right medication to help mediate my symptoms. However, there are still good days and bad days. The difference between being in recovery versus active addiction is that I don’t have to drink over it. Today I have healthy coping skills that I use to mitigate any lingering symptoms.

Incorporating healthy habits in my life is the most effective way I treat my mental health. I go to the gym most days of the week, which is a great way for me to destress and gain mental clarity. I’ve also changed my eating habits around to fuel my body rather than satisfy my taste buds and sugar cravings. I start my days by walking my dog outside to get some fresh air and appreciate seeing the world through sober eyes. 

The best part of recovery is that I finally found a sense of belonging and purpose in my life. Having a group of friends who have escaped the depths of alcoholism makes me feel like I belong because I am just like them. Sharing my story to help others gives me a purpose, and it also gives purpose to all of the pain I endured before I got sober. 

My experience showed me that anybody is capable of recovery. It doesn’t matter what you used, how long you used, or the mistakes you have made in the past. Everyone who suffers from addiction is capable and worthy of a healthy, sober life.