It's not as easy as it looks, and it looks hard as crap.

What is it like being an autism mom? The ups, the downs, and the emotional struggle.

It's balance. It's struggle. It's stress. It's wonderful. It's tragic. It's life. You never know what to expect from one day to the next- one minute to the next. There will always be changes. There will always be someone who doesn't understand, but is quick with advice. There will be triumphs, set-backs, amazing moments and heart wrenching realities. Your child will amaze you, baffle you, elate you, confound you, frustrate you and make you so proud you could pop. Most of the time all in one day. It's a crazy trip with a guide who doesn't know what he's doing, where he's going or why. It's a fly by the seat of your pants roller coaster ride into "What-if" and "Should I" and "What the H$@^ was I thinking" land. It's trial and error with a lot more error than you'd like. It's constantly feeling like you're failing the biggest test of your life while simultaneously celebrating all the things you've manage to do. It's wearing your heart on your sleeve and your emotions on the bottoms of your feet so they toughen up. It's not for the faint hearted, the weak or the giver-uppers. But all in all, it's life. It's just life.

What fears do you face as you raise your child?

What happens after we're gone? He has no siblings to look after him. He cannot live on his own. Who will love him like we do? Who will make sure he eats? Bathes? Has clean pants on? Stays healthy? Stays alive? These are the things that keep me up at night. The things that wake me from sound sleep in a cold sweat, my heart racing and my eyes wet with tears. 

What do you wish other moms knew about what you go through?

I love every bit of the support I get. It makes me feel validated and appreciated when someone says "I see you" or "You're doing great". Sometimes I feel very alone. Well meaning people with neurotypical kids say "I know just what you mean, my kid..." but they don't. Until irrationally reasoning with a child who doesn't know how to reason for hours over something, you don't really know exactly. Until you have to walk out of someplace with groceries unbought, meals uneaten or movies unwatched, you don't know. Until you struggle in a public bathroom to change an adult's diapers while he is standing because you can't lay him in the nasty floor, you don't know. Until you have to buy McDonald's chicken nuggets 3 times a day for months on end just so your child will eat something, you don't know. But I appreciate you trying. I really do. And please, oh please, don't stop.

Do you have other autism mommies who have inspired you?

I have many. We are all fighting our own battles in our own worlds. None of our children are the same. There is no cookie cutter "If you do this, he will respond by..." molds. It would be awesome if there were. But all we can do is learn from our own and each other's mistakes and try and keep these little beings alive, happy and thriving. While we keep our sanity. We love and support each other. We have to.