Running From Addiction: My Personal Story

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 13. I would eventually be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder as well. My mental health would cloud my judgment. I spent most of my life trying to mask my issues with drugs and alcohol. I spent most of my life running away from my problems, rather than accepting them. My own fears and insecurities prevented me from taking my problems head on. I always found myself trying to run away from them.

Drugs and alcohol were the only way I knew how to escape. I moved around quite a bit throughout my life, in several desperate attempts to get my life back on track. Every time I felt like I finally got my life in order, my dual diagnosis would show up to slowly destroy it. I just wanted to live a normal life. I spent half my life running away from my problems- until I finally decided to get help.

Hiding Fears and Insecurities

I would constantly find myself trying to rebuild my life, just to watch my world fall apart over the course of one, two or three years. I had self-destructive tendencies. A lot of it was due to fears and insecurities about myself. I had low self-esteem, low confidence and I was unable to be comfortable in my own skin. I had no idea who I was without drugs or alcohol. I was afraid to show any signs of fear or weakness to the world. For this reason, I pretended to have a tough exterior. On the inside, however, I was soft and vulnerable. I always kept my problems and feelings to myself. The worst thing someone like me can do is keep it bottled up. People like me are a lot like a volcano - when we let things build up, eventually it explodes.

I was tired of using drugs and alcohol to mask all my fears and insecurities. I did not want to continue living the lie I had been living for half my life. I eventually got tired of running away from my problems. I was tired of hitting rock bottom over and over. I finally accepted my problems. I started looking into long-term drug treatment centers in Ohio because I just knew I needed to set myself up for a successful recovery in the long run. My history of substance abuse had gone on for 15 years and not once had I tried getting sober. I knew it would be an uphill battle but this time, it was one worth fighting.

Successful Recovery

I have been clean and sober for over three years now. I no longer have to live my life as a slave to substances. I no longer have to live my life in my own fears and insecurities. I no longer have to turn to drugs or alcohol as the only solution to all my problems. My successful recovery was attributed to several factors. Intensive group therapy allowed me to express myself without the fear of being judged. This allowed me to discover my own identity without substances getting in the way. Cognitive behavioral therapy has taught me how to control and change my negative thought processes. My negative thoughts would seem to manifest itself and become a reality. Learning how to keep a positive attitude even in the face of adversity has become a vital tool for my recovery.

Practicing mindfulness and meditation helps me calm the storm within me when my anxiety, depression or cravings for substances begin to sneak up. I am able to live in the present moment without worrying about the past or the future. The rebellious side of me was reluctant to join a 12-step program but I am grateful that I did. I knew I had to do anything and everything to prevent myself falling back on old patterns. My way never worked so I knew it was time to keep an open mind, listen and follow any suggestions. My own recovery has allowed me to dedicate my life to helping people get clean and sober. Nothing is more rewarding than seeing another person recover successfully.