“Depression?”
Hello, I am 20 yo, female. It all started in 2016 when I met a senior in my school. I liked him a lot but he kept me dangling in between and in the end, it left me heartbroken. I cried for days. But then thought of moving on which I did successfully in the following three months. The following months were painful. I didn't know what was happening to me. I used to talk a lot, laugh a lot. My grades kept decreasing and it was tragic to find myself, a scholar failing. There were times when I used to eat nothing and there came a period where I ate so much. I did observe there were days where I was so full of energy ready to fight everything. I often slept so much and someday I cried for no reason and was emotional over nothing. I was never like this. I was cheerful and optimistic. I stopped studying, stopped being with the crowd. It started choking me.
No friend was a support during that phase. I felt used and thrown. In 2017 made life terrible with subjects I didn't like and no external help in those subjects. My brother was the only person who kept me alive. It was Nov 2017. When I wanted to die so bad. The night I planned to. But saw my Mom sleeping which stopped me. I had no love affairs nor I was remembering that guy. But I was alone. Alone and lonely. No one would hear me. I kept crying thought failures ruined me more. I was a good student and heavily competitive. But I don't know what happened. The crowd choked me so much that I kept uninstalling installing WhatsApp, deleted my social sites accounts. Finally, in 2018, I thought of a new beginning but believing something is not right. I loved writing but couldn't write anymore. I took a year drop for my law entrance and things were better but still not appreciable. I ruined my exam in 2019 due to some external factors and I don't have any excuse for the same. Post exam in 2019, I had a period of heavy breakdowns from May to October which continued subtly till December, I was suicidal again, not wanting to see the next morning. Belonging to an orthodox household, I never could manage any professional help and still cannot.
I got admitted into a college and worked really hard for a year (internships/papers/studies) until December 2020, The empty feelings have started surrounding me again after being silent for a year. Dec'19-Dec'20. I don't know what's wrong. I suffered some rejections for my book, followed by a couple of things. My deadlines are crawling over me and I can't bring myself to work at all. I don't feel like working at all. The last two weeks have been very tough. Before that, I had a creativity phase where I could write a lot and I did it but times weren't any good. I have an internship lined up, and I can't take a break.
Thank you so much, any help would be like a potion. Also, please note that I can't bring myself to any professional help because of my background and I am still a student, I don't have a single penny. I am lost in empty thoughts and can't seem to find my way, I want to get back to work and do well in life.
No friend was a support during that phase. I felt used and thrown. In 2017 made life terrible with subjects I didn't like and no external help in those subjects. My brother was the only person who kept me alive. It was Nov 2017. When I wanted to die so bad. The night I planned to. But saw my Mom sleeping which stopped me. I had no love affairs nor I was remembering that guy. But I was alone. Alone and lonely. No one would hear me. I kept crying thought failures ruined me more. I was a good student and heavily competitive. But I don't know what happened. The crowd choked me so much that I kept uninstalling installing WhatsApp, deleted my social sites accounts. Finally, in 2018, I thought of a new beginning but believing something is not right. I loved writing but couldn't write anymore. I took a year drop for my law entrance and things were better but still not appreciable. I ruined my exam in 2019 due to some external factors and I don't have any excuse for the same. Post exam in 2019, I had a period of heavy breakdowns from May to October which continued subtly till December, I was suicidal again, not wanting to see the next morning. Belonging to an orthodox household, I never could manage any professional help and still cannot.
I got admitted into a college and worked really hard for a year (internships/papers/studies) until December 2020, The empty feelings have started surrounding me again after being silent for a year. Dec'19-Dec'20. I don't know what's wrong. I suffered some rejections for my book, followed by a couple of things. My deadlines are crawling over me and I can't bring myself to work at all. I don't feel like working at all. The last two weeks have been very tough. Before that, I had a creativity phase where I could write a lot and I did it but times weren't any good. I have an internship lined up, and I can't take a break.
Thank you so much, any help would be like a potion. Also, please note that I can't bring myself to any professional help because of my background and I am still a student, I don't have a single penny. I am lost in empty thoughts and can't seem to find my way, I want to get back to work and do well in life.
Female | 20 years old
4 Answers
Good Day,
I have your narrative and understand you are concerned with a radical and now persisting negative shift of your mood. I don't see where you asked a question. While I see where so many people rely on self diagnosis via the world wide web, I suggest you self refer to the Student Health and Wellness Center at your school to get a thorough assessment of your medical and mental status. Perhaps you have access to student health insurance, a slide fee schedule or subsidies of health care? I would advise against flying solo on this matter.
Dr. Martinez
I have your narrative and understand you are concerned with a radical and now persisting negative shift of your mood. I don't see where you asked a question. While I see where so many people rely on self diagnosis via the world wide web, I suggest you self refer to the Student Health and Wellness Center at your school to get a thorough assessment of your medical and mental status. Perhaps you have access to student health insurance, a slide fee schedule or subsidies of health care? I would advise against flying solo on this matter.
Dr. Martinez
Hello,
It's so unfortunate to hear about your long struggle. Although you say "please note that I can't bring myself to any professional help because of my background," your long question and request for assistance here shows that you have already done so. This is the first step, and the hardest one to take. If you are a college student, there is FREE counseling available to
you on campus. I was a college counselor at one time, and they are held to the same confidentiality and standards as other mental health professionals.
Teresa Y. Chapa-Cantu, Ph.D.
It's so unfortunate to hear about your long struggle. Although you say "please note that I can't bring myself to any professional help because of my background," your long question and request for assistance here shows that you have already done so. This is the first step, and the hardest one to take. If you are a college student, there is FREE counseling available to
you on campus. I was a college counselor at one time, and they are held to the same confidentiality and standards as other mental health professionals.
Teresa Y. Chapa-Cantu, Ph.D.
I know asking for help can be challenging. There are college counselors that are trained to assist at almost no cost. I would recommend seeking some help.
Two self-help resources that may help are:
-View the Video "For the Love of It" by Dewitt Jones at Starthrower website. Note seven key concepts below icon prior to viewing video. Once you click to see video, it will stop. Put your email address in and you will be able to watch the rest of video.
-Second, take Brain Type assessment by Dr. Amen, https://brainhealthassessment.com/ - it is free, you will receive a report to download and begin to apply the recommendations
Third, purchase the book Your Brain is always listening - affordable, good read for what you are experiencing.
-View the Video "For the Love of It" by Dewitt Jones at Starthrower website. Note seven key concepts below icon prior to viewing video. Once you click to see video, it will stop. Put your email address in and you will be able to watch the rest of video.
-Second, take Brain Type assessment by Dr. Amen, https://brainhealthassessment.com/ - it is free, you will receive a report to download and begin to apply the recommendations
Third, purchase the book Your Brain is always listening - affordable, good read for what you are experiencing.
