Bellard felt alone and vulnerable because of lupus.
The isolation conjoined with the anxiety around her physical appearance caused Bellard to fall into a depression. “You have no control over lupus,” Bellard explains. “I felt suicidal.” These are common feelings among people who have lupus or any disease that changes their physical appearance. What makes this more complicated is that many times people feel this insecurity but do not feel comfortable talking about it. This causes further feelings of isolation.
"Then I thought to myself, you're wasting your life just sitting there thinking that life is going to wait on you because you want to hide in this shell. Because you feel that you're ugly,” Bellard explains to Allure. It was a hard realization to come to, but once she had this realization, the stresses in her relationships got better.
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