Councelor/Therapist Questions Marriage Counseling

ā€œHow to fix our marriage and prevent divorce?ā€

My wife of 22 years told me yesterday that she wanted a divorce. I know I haven't been the most present husband but I never cheated on her. I don't want to give up on our marriage or the love we have. What methods can we use to work on our marriage?

9 Answers

Hello there, I am sorry to hear of your current situation. However, it does not mean it needs to stay in the current situation. I would try to see if your wife would be interested in trying out marriage counseling. It may be a good and safe way for both of you to talk openly about how you feel about your marriage and what needs to be worked on. If you have tried marriage counseling in the past and it hasn't seemed to work before, I wouldn't give up on it just yet, sometimes you need to 'shop' around until you find a therapist right for you and your wife. Another thing I would try is just setting out time for just the two of you, and just trying to talk and figure out how this can be prevented and the marriage can be fixed. As long as you both are willing to keep an open mind and are committed to doing the work, it can at least get you started on the right path. Wishing you nothing but the best of luck.
Hello. Iā€™m sorry to hear this news. If you want to try to stay together and heal the relationship you might want to ask her if she is willing to TRY. If so, reach out to me or another specialist and start healing. Remember, there are many things that contribute to relational decline, cheating is only one thing. Being present and attentive is usually important in an intimate relationship. Dr Burke www.Holisticwellnessconsultingllc.com
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There are many different programs out there to help you with this. To start focus on yourself and reevaluate how you are as a husband and if there are changes/improvements you could make. Be the safe nonjudgmental person your wife can count on. I recommend the work of Dr. Gottman to guide you on this journey. Good Luck
Both parties have to want to work on the marriage. If she's willing, I highly suggest The Gottman Method. Here is their website. They also have a store. https://www.gottman.com/blog/what-to-read-to-set-your-relationship-up-for-success/

The Gottman's have been leaders in their field for over 50 years and supported by vast research and thousands of happy couples. Here's one of their workbooks. https://a.co/d/7XsZSBX

It may be helpful to find a Gottman couples therapist on www.psychologytoday.com or online to help facilitate the process. Good Luck!
Hi,

Thank you for your question. It sounds like there are relationship and communication issues between you and your wife that are contributing to her wanting a divorce. Since you don't want to give up on the marriage, I would recommend that you seek couples counseling to work through any problems and create some solutions together in a safe environment.
I hope this has been helpful!

Best,

Jenna Torres, PsyD
Relationships are about communication. Why does your wife want the divorce? What about the marriage is making her unhappy? Relationships require two people to be fully present and willing to work. You said that you want to work on the marriage but does she? Finding out the answers to these questions will let you know if you can save the marriage. If so, going to a marriage counselor is recommended. You may also want to get your own individual counselor. An individual counselor may be beneficial for you regardless because they will be able to help you through this situation.
Marriage counseling is an option that may help in this situation. Asking if she is willing to try therapy before ending the relationship may be helpful and if she is willing to try therapy, there are many couples counseling techniques that may improve the relationship.

Thank you,

Patricia Harris | MA, LPC

I would recommend marriage counseling to understand why she has asked for a divorce and what she is needing as well as discover what your needs are in the marriage.

Sara Cole, MS, LPC, CAC III, NCC
Hello and thank you for reaching out. While this is a difficult time there is no easy answer or quick fix. Without knowing the details, I would suggest you and your wife sit down and discuss what is going on if it is possible. If it is too hard, I would suggest seeking marital therapy to discuss any concerns and to possibly work things out.