Psychologist Questions Sex

My wife is scared of having sex. How can I help her overcome this fear?

I have been married for the last 6 months and we have not been able to have sex because of my wife’s fears and inhibitions. She is very loving and I know she loves me a lot, but the physical intimacy is missing in our relationship. I am wondering what I should do to help her out. Should we refer to a marriage counselor?

9 Answers

I would recommend she see a psychologist for this "fear" after biological problems have been ruled out by a physician.
I would definitely refer to a marriage counselor as sex is an important aspect of the marital relationship.
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Definitely a counselor (Marriage? Sex?) is appropriate. She might want to go alone – or not. Perhaps together, and then she might choose to go alone here and there. So many possible causes, ranging from the very simple to the very complex. I recall one "simple" one where the reluctant bride was overcome by teachings from her very conservative childhood church (sex is bad except for conceiving children), and hearing church bells from their window, she just froze! Who would have thought of such a cause – cured by installing a loud air conditioner in the window! Of course, there are many other possibilities. So, get ye to a counselor – preferably a woman, I would expect – and be as kind to yourself as you have been with your wife.


I would suggest sex therapy. A marriage counselor may or may not be qualified to provide sex counseling. Make sure they have that expertise.
She should see a therapist who specializes in sexual issues. Also, seeing a therapist as a couple is important too.
She may best be helped be a licensed sex therapist.
Lack of intimacy is a common problem in romantic relationships. I would encourage you and your wife to see a medical provider to rule out any medical conditions. For example, painful sex can have medical and/or mental explanations. It depends on the factors surrounding her desire not to have sex. A mental health provider who specializes in couples therapy can help you and your wife sort through any underlying relationship issues or individual issues that is causing or worsening the problem.
Absolutely need a marriage counselor. Sex is a large part of a union between two people especially at the beginning.