Dr. S. Faye Snyder

Well, first I need you to know that I do not believe any mental or emotional disease is inborn/genetic. She is a victim of programming by mixed messages, but in the programming are threats of punishments, probably by God, but it could simply be situational, like parents being caught in a sort of "damned if you don't, and damned if you do". People who were parented badly parent badly, because of mirror neurons. No point in blaming, just understanding. We take as normal the way we are treated, but when normal has mixed messages, we short circuit and sometimes out of fear (threats). Second, I have seen that schizophrenic parents are often good with babies and start to lose it with toddlers. That means they raise children with a strong foundation of self-worth gained by the beginning of life, where identity is created, but after that, the child is on his or her own a lot, even taking care of mom, which can tap you out by the time you reach adulthood. So, you would need to find a very rare doctor who believes symptoms are related to cause (like paranoia being related to threats, cause and effect is replaced by religiosity turning into superstition in a young child, mystifying technology). I'd ask her what the voices say. Is that she is always on call? So, she just hears her name? Is she hearing, "God will punish you when you least expect it," or something that would cause her symptoms. Cause and effect. There are very few such clinicians, because most psychologists are "brought up on" 50/50 genetics, and teach bandaids more than remedying cause. Good luck young man. I'm impressed with you. Maybe some day you can take this concern to a profession and become a psychologist, but in the meantime, take care of yourself, mostly. You deserve it. Go with God.

Hi there, Let me first advise you first that I believe nothing, absolutely nothing, is genetic when it comes to personality and behavior. This premise, which is based on years of researching research, has brought me more accelerated success in healing patients than beliefs that our behaviors are partially genetically caused. Also the so-called evidence for inborn traits turns out to dissolve under scrutiny. So, given that, your childhood steered you to fantasy over reality, it sounds like you were on your own a lot but somehow were steered to believe that you were inherently successful, possibly because your family was successful but there was little coaching for you. Somehow you came to believe success was a given, when it must be earned. I had my own mental health issues, and I, and many others, pushed through having a late start. I got my doctorate at 60. I have older interns now. So, first figure out what career you are willing to work toward, whether a fast track sort of achievement like learning to be an x-ray technician, or are you willing to go back to school? I have students who have to teach themselves from first grade forward by ordering handbooks books online that they blow through. I have witnessed a high school drop out make it through graduate school. You are literate, but could be more precise in your grammar and punctuation. So, decide what you want and are willing to do, even if you have to go backwards to qualify before moving forward. The more you validly know, the more you will believe in yourself and get out of the self-defeating pattern. Take your future seriously, choose, make a plan, and go to work. Your self-worth and momentum will rise with your achievements. Besides, at 22, you have a head start with your self-awareness. Just start.

I'm sorry. I just wrote a response to a 13-year-old son of a schizophrenic mother. I don't know where these answers go, I guess "TopDoc" or something like that. See what I wrote to him. You need someone who understands that schizophrenia comes from a scary childhood of mixed messages. If you go to someone who doesn't understand that, then the patient becomes a victim of long-term pharmacology. Belief in genetics is a generated superstition to prioritize medications. Find a therapist who can do a good inventory of childhood experiences and work to untangle by working with a kind, but straightforward dialogue. The trap for the therapist is if/when the patient has to defend his/her childhood/parents.

Yes, but you have to really want to fix it. (It is not genetic. No such gene has ever been found even though many believe otherwise. Belief in genetic causes of mental suffering pays vast fortunes.)=20 I have found that the seeds of bipolar ideation are in childhood, often in infancy. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in very early childhood teaches us how to have out of body experiences that are euphoric. So, we form two selves. We have the self that thinks we are hot sh=E2=80=9D*t, and we get reckless. We get ourselves into trouble, deep trouble that take some serious climbing out of. So, we suffer the consequences that we are not so hot. Maybe underlying the not-so-hot syndrome is an early attachment break, creating early insecurity and abandonment trauma. Whether a victim of one of these causes or both, we are so devastated that we feel worthless or very sad. Both are illusions. Both are the beliefs of an infant who grew up without shaking off the beliefs, because we get very caught up in our identity. We take our identity way too seriously. We end up having our identity on the line more than living, loving, discovering, learning, correcting and beholding. Identities are myths. They are not real. They are a lot of work to market, defend and check on. Frankly, identities are a waste of life. Identities are not to be confused with valid achievements. =20 The key to bipolar is the freedom to be angry at your parents or your childhood doctor or whoever failed you in infancy, and get old feelings out. Maybe the feelings are more fear than anger. Maybe they are more sadness. Mostly you have to give up grandiosity and earn your way to recognition and self-worth the hard way, like the rest of us. It=E2=80=99s not free. When you are sad, cry. When you are scared, be brave and do what is in front of you to do. When you are angry, remember the first cause and beat up your sofa or your bed. Make sounds, so you can get the old feelings out of your body. Make sure the feelings are the old ones, not recent triggers. Getting upset over triggers holds no results other than regret. When you are euphoric, stay awake to your delusions, and don=E2=80=99t make stupid choices. Read this again. Again. Again. Save it. (Save a copy, in cause you tear this up.) You might want to take it to a therapist and vet him or her by showing them this and asking them if they can work with you by THIS plan. (It=E2=80=99s not taught in graduate school.) Good luck.=20 Dr. Faye=20 S. Faye Snyder, PsyD=20 PSY 24806 & MFT 29816 15545 Devonshire Street, Ste 208 Mission Hills, CA 91345 & 6200 Lake Ming Road, #A4 Bakersfield, CA 93306 (661) 496-9499

I am not a medical doctor. I am a psychologist. However, I work with the backlash or the high personal price of taking addictive medications. These medications have been available for several decades now. Most patients end up staying with them and increasing their amount over the years, as their bodies become acclimated to the medicine. I have a few patients from UCLA where the prescription dosages have alarmed the pharmacists. Detoxing becomes more than people can bare, but some methods of withdrawal are being formulated lately, and one book is expected to come out this year, on specific ways to withdrawn from specific anxiolytics and antidepressants.=20 Anxiety is either the result of an early childhood attachment trauma or otherwise. If you have experienced anxiety as far back as you can remember, that might be the case, because babies were sometimes held back in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit or put into daycare before the age of two or three or five (kindergarten, when we are good to go). The earlier the =E2=80=9Cother care=E2=80=9D as the government calls it, the more anxiety and/or depression for life. However, anxiety is not inborn. It is a belief or a philosophy or an expectation that develops from such early experience without understanding. It might be, =E2=80=9CI=E2=80=99m not likable.=E2=80=9D =E2=80=9CMom doesn=E2=80=99t love me.=E2=80=9D =E2=80=9CIf I can=E2=80=99t trust her, I can=E2=80=99t trust anyone.=E2=80=9D =E2=80=9CYou never know when the next person will leave you.=E2=80=9D These beliefs translate to other relationships and in adulthood, we end up asking, =E2=80=9CWhy do you love me?=E2=80=9D =E2=80=9CAre you sure you love me?=E2=80=9D And, then, as a self-fulfilling prophesy, our insecurity drives people away.=20 There is another one that may or may not be related to early failed attachments. If your parent(s) rescued you from natural consequences so that now that you are on your own, you are not prepared to do the hard thing. "Who will take care of you now?" "How many things do I have to unlearn and relearn the hard way?=E2=80=9D In some cases, it=E2=80=99s not like that. It=E2=80=99s =E2=80=9CI expect to be taken care of.=E2=80=9D =E2=80=9CI have a right to be taken care of.=E2=80=9D =E2=80=9CNo =

Yes, but the psychologist cannot believe it's genetic. The psychologist also has to be sure that the parents are not in the picture anymore, or, if they are, the parents agree to take responsibility with the patient for their suffering. This means there can be moments when the patient tries to unravel the mixed messages the parents will be open to helping. Parents don't know better, but once the clues for cause are there, the parents become parents who would throw themselves under the bus for their child's sake or the other way around. There will be a failed or weak attachment in the first days or years of life. There will be issues with attunement with the baby s/he was, and likely insufficient touch and cuddling, followed by attachment breaks. There will be mixed messages or expectations that cannot be taken together, because to do one thing makes the other thing wrong. There will be pressure expressed or implied not to complain. There may be an element of blame to uncover. The patient will need to grapple with these mixed messages and early experiences without having to protect the parents. If that can't be done, there's no point in trying.

I find that there are serious problems with anxiolytics and antidepressants. While they work for some for a while, nearly most homicides and suicides are done under the influence of antidepressants and anxiolytics. Over time, they create major dependency, and, thus, require an increase in dosage from time to time. I treat patients who have taken them for decades and at thresholds where even their initial prescribers are concerned. What now? So, why don't you consider the old-fashioned way over the course of evolution? If you have anxiety, process it. What happens if you accept the feeling and get to understand it from a rational mind? (It begins to reduce itself.) Anxiety is a fear of fear. It is a fear of the emotion of fear. So, face your feelings. Let them out. What is the message really? Is it realistic or immature? After getting real, perhaps you can get back to life. Now, there is the problem of early life, where infants suffer insecure attachments now that mothers work elsewhere. That tends to create lifelong anxiety. Are you superstitious about the philosophy formed by a baby? Can you have any sort of conversation with the infant inside of you that formed a life-long attitude that what? No one is dependable? I am worthless? Trouble is around the corner? I need people? I fear abandonment. Why do you love me? How will I know you are going to leave? Will you really come back? Why do my questions bother you? Am I pushing you away because I need you? Can anyone be trusted not to leave me? Well, tell the infant that she has to assess people better and then be worthy of dependable people, meaning, get a life. Do the hard thing. Develop your own character, and people will be drawn to you. If you truly need them, it will probably be too much. So, that baby who decided that life wasn't safe can be reasoned with. Make life safe enough and then tell the baby, "I got this." --Dr. Faye

Why Do People Murder Unfaithful Spouses?
That's a good question. More should ask it. Start with the premise that all babies need their person. That evolution. Donald Winnicott, pediatrician, and psychoanalyst, once said, There's no such thing as a baby, only a baby and someone. Throughout history, babies had their person. As women became more independent for the first time in human evolution, our someone became multiple caregivers. Babies were handed around to whoever could care for them. But, even Mother Teresa would not be enough. Everyone needs their own person in infancy and maybe for life. We can pretend babies won't mind because they can't talk, and besides, we need to make a living if we are ever going to have a nice house for them or tuition for college if not food on the table.

However, babies start making synaptic connections as soon as there is anything going on. In infancy, are forming their identities and world views, for life. They are getting the picture. They learn more about who they are and who the world is in the first year than any year to follow. They learn an encyclopedic vocabulary in their earliest years. Whatever they experience, whether domestic violence, being left or being adored, that becomes normal.
In the second year of life, they learn almost as much, as with the third year of life. From the bottom up, their self-worth and expectations are formed. Personalities are being laid down by the experiences they record in their brains for long term, as they cry or sit like cute little blobs, looking at us. They are learning language, attitudes, and all the givens, including what to expect. It's a bit complicated, because a very secure and adored infant can be forming and then get left due to mother's illness or work. This child has just had the rug pulled out from underneath her. She will spend her childhood, rather, her life, craving love and fearing it.
Should a toddler assume abuse, bad grammar, lack of communication, secrecy, worthlessness, threats or should she assume safety, trust, good grammar, meaningful communication, the expression of thoughts and feelings, transparency, and self-worth? What children experience is what adults assume.
I have a video of a mom hitting her six-month-old infant son on the head for crying, again and again. It was about a half-hour tape, which I never watched to the end to see him give up and stop crying so as not to be hit anymore. So, a child regularly hit on the head with a wooden spoon for crying, might be be great in the mafia some day: keep your wimpy feelings to yourself, but have no compunction against assaulting another. We imprint the ways of adults in infancy and toddlerhood, and then we re-enact these ways as adults.
If babies are spoken to about things that are relevant to them with repeated, learnable, or recognizable words and a vocabulary that grows according to use, then we have a very intelligent human-in-the-making, and if that little thing is not left on a regular basis, we have a very secure, intelligent human. If that little one is also adored and not left until kindergarten (like in the old days), then her self-worth can propel her to greatness, and she can handle just about anything, assuming mom cheers but doesn't help too much.
In the old days moms used to tote their babies everywhere. Like the kangaroo, human birthlings were carried in arms, on hips, slings, and pouches when mothers worked, or they were set up nearby to watch mommys every move in a cradle, crib or even a playpen.

If a child needs behavioral therapy and someone provides I believe it is malpractice. I believe the parents need to learn how to parent better, so they can be the child's therapist. What is wrong is born of family dynamics, not genes. A good therapist can teach the parents how to heal their own child, since, after all, parents are, hopefully, with their child for far more than an hour a week.
I believe the correct protocol is to educate the parents on what the critical childhood essential needs are; how to correct missed opportunities; how to correctly discipline and coach; and finally, how to change the trajectory of the child's development, rather than correct the child so the parents can enjoy/love the child more. The healer should be the parents. The parents made the mistakes and can correct them far better than anyone, even Mother Teresa. No one can replace parents. Therapists can coach parents, given they know how.

There is evidence to support your hypotheses. I suggest you focus on whatever feeling you have been trying to avoid probably most of your life. Indulge the feeling. Meditate on the feeling. Let it come up and out as much or as many times as you need. It's old business, and we should try to be current. The older the feeling, the deeper. Burn it up. Avoiding thoughts and feelings that creep in, is not solving anything. Then, do things you can feel proud of. Do hard things, too, the ones that are in front of you to do. Undo, if need be. Redo. You live once. Don't waste it in avoidance and regret.

Self-esteem if often a head start that our parents give us in early childhood when we learn that we are valuable. Many of us who are cherished don't get that message if we are handed over to someone else. Maybe we are disregarded by busy parents or even parents who weren't cherished themselves and don't have it in them. Some are over regarded and have parents who do everything for them. in any event, self-esteem is an idea handed to us about what we are worth, and somehow we put our self-worth up against others. We are all born divine. There is nothing ever wrong with us, except, perhaps what we learn to think. We are not our idea of ourselves. I was once asked to teach self-esteem in my child's kindergarten class, and I refused. The truth is, true self-worth is earned. However, it requires an ability to express ourselves freely and appropriately. Thus, we need to know how to treat others, so they treat us well in return.
Second, we need to find our niche. Then, take it on. Be curious. Make lots of mistakes trying. Fall down. Get up and try again. Let nothing stop you. Success and regard for others will give you your self-esteem. Learn relationship skills, especially how to give feedback and have a clean disagreement with regard. Expertise and the regard of others (because you regard them) will give you your self-esteem.

All habits that are being broken take time and practice. I used to listen to rock and roll on the freeway, and my Zen master said to keep the radio off. I did. It was hard at first, but I found that I was having insights such that I still leave it off sometimes to process. We need time to process unacknowledged things that need our attention.

I am not an MD. I don't think one pill on top of the other is dangerous, especially since the second pill was a natural substance over the counter. I think people who overdose take significantly more than that. It sounds like the loss of your mom was traumatic and maybe you could talk about it in depth with a professional.

Once again, you are another person taking medication for issues that have been buried probably since early childhood. Now you think they are inborn issues. If you get quiet, what do you think and feel? These are clues to what you are trying to medicate away. You have a fear of feeling and expressing feelings, but that's how we heal. I am not talking about triggers today that seem to be cause or feelings for "no apparent reason". I am talking about buried and unexpressed feelings which cannot ever go away unexpressed. Grab a pillow and some privacy and give the little girl a voice.

I'm so sorry. You are being socially and medically misled. The reasons you have these feelings probably stem back to very early childhood, like a child whose mother left her to go to work when she was an infant or toddler. If so, you believed you were not enough to keep her, and you learned to believe that there is nothing you can count on and no one to trust. Beyond that you have learned to believe that you are not supposed to have these feelings. They are very disquieting. What you need to do is get those feelings out. That's the way evolution designed us. No one can successfully repress feelings. They have to leave he body. So anxiety should be cried (as in wailing), screamed for fear or raged out for betrayal or emotional injury. Grab a pillow. I keep one in my car at all times. Eventually, if you give the pillow your deepest most painful feelings (probably from buried memories), you will become current. You won't need medication. Warning: It is difficult to do this on medications so next time you think the medication isn't working, try it. Get out as much as you can, and then see how you feel.

There is no evidence, despite the hype, that mental health issues are genetically derived. For that reason, there cannot be any such test. A good assessment of your early childhood issues or any under-acknowledged trauma would explain what is bothering you. Children whose mothers put them in daycare in the first few years of life often have such issues. Even if your favorite aunt took care of you or Mother Teresa, herself, it wouldn't change things. We need our person in the first years, and when our person leaves, we think it's because of us. We have difficulty trusting and/or we develop ongoing anxiety of being left or not being enough. Similarly we could develop depression or alternating depression and anxiety. If you were raised in a family that didn't allow complaining of feelings or modeled a lack of expressing feelings of injury, that would make things worse, because you would not be encouraged to get those feelings out, which is the way we heal. If I were you I would get myself a good fat "decorator" pillow into which you can scream on behalf of the child you used to be and start emptying out your hurt, mistrust, fear, anger or rage. Buried feelings create your symptoms. You need to do it, though, on behalf of the child you were, not who you are today. You are probably suffering from a repression ethic. If you were raised in a family that blames rather than self-reflects, it's even worse. If you suffered abuse, including criticism and feeling misunderstood or had little guidance, these are all additions causes of anxiety, especially if you withheld your urge to cry.

Anxiety has a cause, usually in early childhood and triggered by immediate circumstances. Often the same sort of event, with a slight variation, can make the difference between an adult who has anxiety or an adult who has depression. They may go together. So, you have to take a look at your childhood. First find out how old you were when you primary caregiver returned to work. Evolution had us gradually leaving our parents in stages from the time we walk until kindergarten age. When it's rushed, the first year is the worst, the second year, the second worst, and so on. If you had multiple caregivers, you were not able to form a secure attachment, which leaves us as insecure adults. Add to that, high demands, a critical parent, and you are guaranteed anxiety/depression as an adult. So, your job, to avoid medication, and heal up to half of what you suffered very young, is to find a safe place with a pillow and cry hard and scream into the pillow on behalf of the baby you were. (Mothers have not been informed of the critically important role they provide an infant of security and self-worth. It's a failing of the psychology industry.) The number of times needed to release depends upon the depth of your injury and the degree of release. When you are finished, rest and contemplate the truth, that there is nothing wrong with you if you don't depend upon the opinions of others and, instead, choose to look at life as an adventure enjoy this rare opportunity, called life, to discover this amazing place. Contemplate the difference of a life of discovery over a life of self-consciousness. Give up a need for identity in anyone else's eyes. Go for true living. Gabor Mate once said, "We are born with two needs. One is to be loved and the other is to be authentic. Unfortunately, too many of us give up our need to live an authentic life in order to be loved."
Good luck.

Dr. Faye

First, good job asking. Second, when it's time to do the right thing, including take care of yourself, what people think shouldn't be a factor. Some homes do create that kind of shame over any endeavors to address family issues, but people who have broken through to heal, didn't care, and in healthier families, they'd rather see you get better than see you pretend to be fine when you aren't. In most cases, the seeds of depression are set before the age of five. The most common cause is a broken attachment. If mom goes back to work before the age of five, or worse three, or even worse in the first year of life, it's as if the ground moved out from underneath. There is then broken trust, broken security, and broken self-worth. When memories lack words (infancy), they are stored as foundational, but too inaccessible to create self-awareness. This is also the case for generalized anxiety disorder. Both depression and anxiety have been on the rise since babies entered daycare en masse, something never before seen in the history of civilization. I am a feminist, but I know every baby needs their person, whoever that is. Their person is irreplaceable. Mother Teresa could not stand in for the parent. Their person has to an ever-present presence in their life, until they are ready to outgrow their parent (ages three to kindergarten). This is the reason why we have so many social issues developing: depression, anxiety, dependency, stalking, social phobias, substance abuse and overdoses, tattoos and piercings, suicides, domestic violence, mean girls, bullies, and shooters. I regret to tell you that thus far, graduate schools are not addressing this problem in training therapists, so you need to find someone who understands the long-term effects of broken or insecure attachments (which require attunement as well as continuity) and knows how to treat attachment trauma. Otherwise, the going treatment is medication. There is a cause for depression, so if it's not the cause I just identified, you need to do some detective work, within yourself and perhaps with interviews of family members. Find the cause and address it. Causes always lie, by the way. Healing always requires honest acknowledgement of causes, despite loyalties.

Dr. Faye

I'm not sure you would want to hear my response. You might find it too controversial. This involves facing harmful treatment and messages from parents (who were children too). I would seriously review the early events of my childhood to identify the source of my paranoia. I would then tease these false messages apart and operate from the position that my paranoia is based upon unresolved trauma. I would face my fears head on and prove to myself that they once happened, but they happen no longer. I would attempt to resolve that trauma, as you are no longer a vulnerable child. Further, I would work to develop the ability to identify the difference between beliefs and facts. It is my opinion that paranoia and schizophrenia are not inborn. Paranoia comes from sudden, unexpected trauma, and schizophrenia comes from intolerable mixed messages. You need to sort out truth from fiction, and you need to get out repressed feelings about how you were treated. This could include screaming and crying, perhaps into a pillow. There are therapists who can help you with this.

Dr. Faye

No, it's not normal. It is indicative of postpartum depression. The first thing I would want to find out is whether your mother worked while you were an infant, or if you had to wait for mothering for some reason. If that happened, you would have difficulty nurturing your own child. Your deepest oldest unremembered body memories would remind you that you are giving something which you needed and didn't get. You need to grieve not getting the mothering you needed and find some sort of "revenge" in giving it to your own child. You don't want this to be passed on to another generation. Go into another room, turn up the stereo and cry as much as you can, as often as needed, until you are emptied out of loss. Then come back and behold the miracle. The greatest joy I ever had was in seeing the insight and delight of my child when I engaged him, after I cried away may own pain.