Adam Hamilton

My recommendation is that you seek a pain management specialist who also works closely with a behavioral health professional. There are cognitive-behavioral treatments for pain; however, you will likely require the care of a physician to monitor your headaches. Medication-assisted addiction treatment may also be helpful.

If you have concerns about the safety and welfare of a vulnerable person (child/adult/elderly person/disabled person), the best thing to do is to call Protective Services. A quick Google search should help you find the phone number to Protective Services in your area.

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. I would recommend that you consider seeking support from a support group, pastoral counseling (often free through one's religious institution), or contacting a local university to see if you might be able to receive free counseling from a graduate student. The tendency with grief is to try to push it away. Anything that you can do to help you actively process the grief-related thoughts and emotions will help in the long term.

There are therapists who specialize in treating sex addiction. I recommend that you do an online search for a "Certified Sex Addiction Therapist" in your area.

My guess is that you haven't gotten over the fear because you actually avoid being in the dark. When we avoid non-dangerous situations, we train our brain to see danger even when we are safe. Consult with a reputable cognitive-behavioral therapist for assistance in developing a good treatment plan to help you overcome this fear.

Success rates vary so it's difficult to say. What I can tell you is that if you and your husband are both committed to making the marriage work, a good marriage therapist is likely going to be able to help you.

Marriage therapy does really work. Unfortunately, people will often wait too long to pursue treatment at which point the work can be very difficult. Marriage therapy does not work when only one member of the couple wants to work on the marriage.

I don't think that the efficacy of treatment depends exclusively on the format through which the treatment is delivered. If you can find a competent therapist whom your trust on TalkSpace, I suspect that it can work.

Discussing these matters with children is a tricky matter that most parents will face. My recommendation is that we avoid being dishonest or giving children a false sense that things will eventually go back to "normal" when, in reality, they will not. This will only temporarily provide relief and will ultimately cause more confusion and pain while potentially damaging trust and a child's sense of safety. I believe that the best course of action is to explain that the loved one is sick and that the sickness has caused certain changes in the loved one. Perhaps letting your daughter know that grandma is sick and that part of her condition is that she will lose her ability to remember things including people who she loves. Additionally, dementia patients may have some good days and some bad days, and ultimately, they will always struggle with their memory and the struggle may get worse over time. Most importantly, let your daughter know that it makes perfect sense that she would be sad about this and that it is best to talk about this sadness at times. Avoidance of the feelings and talking about changes in grandma will likely delay and complicate the inevitability of your daughter having to grieve the loss of grandma as she has known her. Counseling for her (perhaps with your involvement) could be extremely helpful in supporting a healthy grieving process.

Best wishes,

Adam

Hi,

Great question. I think that the simple answer is that counseling could certainly assist your daughter with the grieving process. (For what it's worth, it could also assist you!) The other thing that a good counselor/therapist can do is further evaluate your daughter to determine if the distress she may be currently experiencing is the expected grief-response or if something else might be going on. Given that it sounds like your mother's passing was quite difficult, your daughter may have found aspects of it to be somewhat traumatic. A competent counselor/therapist would be able to help her in either event.

I'm very sorry for your loss and I'm hopeful that you are also taking good care of yourself at this time as well. In addition to counseling, this is another gift that you can give your daughter.

Take care!

Adam Hamilton